The National Foundation of Whale Shavers

March 17, 1995

Dear Friend,

We here at the National Foundation of Whale Shavers (N.F.W.S.) are in desperate need of money for our national "Shave the Whales" campaign. Many people are ignorant of our cause and its importance.

People don't seem to realize that you can't shave a 200-foot long blue whale with a 291/4 cent Bic. Even disposable whale razors cost a lot of money, but a good quality razor, and the equipment required to change a six foot blade, cost a fortune to buy. Then comes the added expense of the supertankers we need to transport the millions of gallons of shaving cream needed to undertake a venture such as this one.

Of course, we do get some money from the sale of whale shavings to the "International Foundation of the Prevention of Balding Hippos," and other similar organizations, but even this is not enough. It is up to you, the people of America, to help us fight our battle in the oceans of the world. The Federal Government does not give us enough support, due to the system's infinite bureaucracy.

Another aspect of our work is the prevention of pollution. A single flake of whale dandruff can be up to four feet in diameter, and weigh as much as 20 pounds. Also, gallons of usable oil are produced and can be removed from the hair before sale. In addition, whale-hair clothing can be both comfortable and warm.

We believe that with your help, all of this, and much more, can be made possible, and ocean, as well as the whales, can be made more beautiful. But without your support, things will remain as they are, and the oceans will remain filled with hairy whales, and hundreds of out-of-work whale shavers.

Thank you,

Moby Jones, Founder

"Shave the Whales"